Read an Excerpt:
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When
she neared the cage, Rhen grasped her arms, lifting her free of the rope and
pulling her safely into the wooden basket. She panted for a moment, regained
her depleted strength, and took in the view.
Blue.
For
miles and miles in every direction, a stark and sparkling blue.
She
tried to stand, but the rocking of the ship was magnified with their height,
and it seemed to tip almost sideways with every other breath. Her legs wobbled,
and then she dropped back to the floor.
"Stay
seated," Rhen said, pushing down just slightly on her shoulder when she
tried to lift herself up for the second time. He sat too, sighing as he dangled
his feet over the edge and leaned back into the railing. His large frame took
up over half of the small space.
Their
arms touched from shoulder to elbow, causing a heat to rise under her skin.
Jinji grabbed her legs, pulling them into her chest and shifting her weight,
careful not to touch his body anymore. It was too intimate, she realized, after
spending so many hours locked in the same room as him. There had to be a
distance between them, otherwise she might slip up, might forget that she was
supposed to be a boy, that she was supposed to be lying. He might notice that
though her face was that of a male, her body was not. The baggy clothes hid it
well, but in these close quarters, she had to be careful.
No
matter how many times he taunted her, Rhen had come to be a friend, and she
would not mess that up, not yet.
"This
is one of my favorite spots on the ship," he said, eyes still closed in
relaxation, "though many wouldn’t say the same. It's considered a
punishment to be put up here, because of all the movement, but I've always
found it very peaceful, very liberating."
Feeling
her stomach unsettle slowly, Jinji might have agreed with the others, but there
was something oddly comforting in her mood and oddly settled too.
"This
was where I came to escape the castle and my father and mostly my
responsibilities. Even if I was only on the dock, still stuck in Rayfort, I
seemed miles away on top of this ship."
He
opened his eyes slowly. The wind rustled his red hair, forcing it to spill over
his forehead. Jinji wondered if her own short hair was doing the same, without
her braid to keep it still and steady. Just the other night she had borrowed
Rhen's knife to cut it short again, not ready to stop her mourning period—not
even close.
"Do
you have a place like that?"
Jinji
closed her eyes tight, fighting back the water gathering there.
The
clearing.
The
meadow.
It
used to be her spot, but all she saw now was Leoa, tying her braid, pulling
over her joining dress. Both of them giggling, completely ignorant to the cries
of their people, to the children and the women, to the warriors, to her
parents. Even to Maniuk, singled out by the shadow for his strength and his
skill—used and discarded.
All
she heard now was the blood-curdling scream that cracked her spirit in half,
the pounding of her footsteps, the soft thud of a body as it fell to the
ground.
"No,"
was all she said. No, she didn’t have a safe place like that, not anymore.
"It
will get better," Rhen said. Jinji wouldn’t look at him, but instead
focused on the far away horizon. "I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it
will."
He
took a deep breath, cracked his knuckles. Jinji almost heard the words waiting
on his lips, could feel them press against his tongue wanting to come out. The
air was static, electric from his pounding heart, his pulsing nerves.
And
then it all stopped.
Silence.
"I
had a younger brother once," Rhen confessed, his words heavy with an
emotion that was mirrored by Jinji's wounded soul. "He was barely a year
old when he was murdered by the man my father trusted most in the world. And I
could have stopped it, if I had only understood what—" His voice shook,
wavered on an edge. "I found papers that held evidence the murder was
going to take place, but I was too young to understand what they meant, too
naïve to know what I had found. And for that, my brother paid the price."
He turned, met her stare with eyes a deep dark green, like the forest at
twilight. "I know what it means to lose someone, but I also know that
though the pain will never fully fade, eventually you will be able to endure
it."
Jinji
didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing at all. Silence was the better
option. Silence let the words sink in, let their truth ring, let her realize that
Rhen had allowed her a peek at a place within himself that he didn’t show to
everyone—that he did not even show to most people.
Jinji
opened her mouth, aching to tell her own story, but her throat closed up,
stealing the sound from her voice.
She
trusted him, after all he had done for her, Jinji trusted Rhen. But trusting
someone was one thing, and opening herself up to him, making herself vulnerable
to be hurt again, that was something else entirely. Rhen might have been
willing, but it was only because he didn’t know that in the end, he would just
be wounded—by her lie if he ever found out the truth or by her leaving without
a word of goodbye.
And
Jinji couldn’t handle any more pain.
"Thank
you," she said quietly, instantly regretting it. Rhen blinked once, but
once was all it took for his gaze to unglaze and his features to retreat, to
harden. One blink was all it took for him to shut himself off again.
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